The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Mansfield, Ohio, for $200.00.
They bought the cow from Ohio and the cow was wonderful. Produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved
cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening.
"Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from he back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An when he
approaches from the side she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Ohio?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Ohio?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Ohio."
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At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush strides to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they board an open, 17th Century coach hitched to six magnificent white matching horses. As they ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Brits lining the streets, all is going well.
But suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, gastronomic flatulence ever heard in the British Empire.
Uncomfortable, but under control, the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the whole incident. But then the Queen decides that's ridiculous. She turns to Mr. Bush and explains, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets.... I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot
control."
George W. Bush, ever the gentleman, replies, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought... you know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses."
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Subject: Duck v LawBoy
LawBoy went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the LawBoy climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. LawBoy responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant LawBoy said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."
LawBoy asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
LawBoy quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into LawBoy's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face. The magnificentbarrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
LawBoy summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.
Good Monday Morning Everybody!
Dan
Linear Mode
