Ok, most of you know the only kids I have ever owned drink Mobil 1
Just got my foster parent license and will be taking care of kids who are in need. I started mentoring a young boy (12 yrs old) at one of the residential mental health facilities I call on for work...well 14 mos later I have decided to help him through this crazy world.
Steven has 8 brothers and sisters in the 'system' somewhere, our hope is to find some of them and help him reconnect some of his past. His dad died last year and his mom lost all rights to the kids. He's bright, full of life and a blast to be around! Trying to get my license was harder than getting through boot camp, hahaaa..took me 9 mos of classes and forms and CRAP and you know the drill. They definitely try to weed out anyone who shouldn't be parenting that's for sure!
Any parenting advice for me? Lessons learned? I am all ears
Ok, most of you know the only kids I have ever owned drink Mobil 1
Just got my foster parent license and will be taking care of kids who are in need. I started mentoring a young boy (12 yrs old) at one of the residential mental health facilities I call on for work...well 14 mos later I have decided to help him through this crazy world. Steven has 8 brothers and sisters in the 'system' somewhere, our hope is to find some of them and help him reconnect some of his past. His dad died last year and his mom lost all rights to the kids.
Any parenting advice for me? Lessons learned? I am all ears
Its been a while since I received a "Father of the Year" award, but I know what I wanted as a kid..... I wanted to be loved, heard, and paid attention to. I also needed time to learn from my mistakes as well. I didn't need expensive gifts or presents. A home is not a home, without love. And all you can do, is do your best. Treat the boy, as if he was your own by birth. Sometimes, thats all it takes. Patience will be your friend. And it will be a new beginning for you both. Best wishes in your new found joy Leslie. You will do just fine. To new beginnings!!!
ps.....He has your smile!
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Last edited by GR8 WHITE : 06-10-2008 at 08:16 PM.
Location: Yuma, Az. ?????? Z06 Fest IV, V, VII and Winterfest 1 & 2
Posts: 2,944
Re: I am a FOSTER mom, PARENTING advice?
Wow, what a caring person you are. To sacrifice your time to help others. Every child is different, so I really don't have any advice for you even though we had 2 children (boy and girl). Different scenerios but let them have their space if they need it. I imagine it must be rough going through the foster care system as a child. You are truly the "Queen".
Tom
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Sig by GR8 White (modified by Speedratchet) 2004 MS/BLK
NCM#31853 Still retired out in the middle of nowhere.
some things i respected of my parents now that i look back (they weren't perfect but they tried)
1. no double standards. if you smoke you can expect them to end up smoking, if you drink so will they (and most likely when they aren't old enough to make the right decisions)
2. respect is the key, yes they're kids but they can appreciate respect.
3 whoop that butt when they get out of line. ITS THE BEST WAY. i remember my last spanking I DESERVED IT!
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still waiting on the z06 to materalize in my driveway. shouldn't be long now.
Wow that's awesome Leslie!! I know we had talked about this on the ride at the WF, but it has finally come through for you. You are a very special person for opening your heart and I'm sure you will do a super job. Your devotion has already shown itself, after all the "processes" you were telling me about.
Congratulations!!
Raising children is one of life's adventures, each path can be totally different. Sometimes very trying.....and sometimes very rewarding! Your situation is a bit different as you have been there for Steven as a friend. Now your role has changed a bit, in my humble opinion. Now you're his Mom, and a very lucky young man he is. If I know you at all, I know that he will live with respect, care and responsibility.
We haven't met. Leslie, but from reading your postings and the comments of those who know you, I think you'll be a great Mom. No magic bullets here and no matter what you do there's an element of luck involved.
Some things to keep in mind:
Give good clear direction and expectations
Instill self-accountability, responsibility and discipline
Give strong support
Expose him to successful people
Know his friends---and control relationships as necessary
Give him dedicated time and LISTEN to him
Love Steven
Not always easy but very rewarding...and remember what GR8 White Glenn said
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Top Cog
2006 C6 Z06 MS, Ebony #5,889
Very tough challenge you have taken on. I salute you in trying to help. The only real advice I can give you after my two teenagers and a 5 year old is be the parent always. Do not try to be their friend.(they have those along the way some good some not so good) Stay consistant no means no, and love them. The rest will work itself out through the rough times and good times. It can be a great experience ( I consider myself blessed with my three) or like some friends of mine who have had their kids turn out to be druggies, drunks, and other etc.... a nightmare. Just understand you can do the best job ever and they will still be an individual one day and turn out like they want not what you want them to be. Any way best of luck, and I hope it turns out to be a good thing for you.
Oh yeah they have to earn the vette not be given one! Take care, Don
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SIG by GR8 WHITE 2002 Quicksilver/Black (Sold)NCM Member.
We haven't met. Leslie, but from reading your postings and the comments of those who know you, I think you'll be a great Mom. No magic bullets here and no matter what you do there's an element of luck involved.
Some things to keep in mind:
Give good clear direction and expectations
Instill self-accountability, responsibility and discipline
Give strong support
Expose him to successful people
Know his friends---and control relationships as necessary
Give him dedicated time and LISTEN to him
Love Steven
Not always easy but very rewarding...and remember what GR8 White Glenn said
Very good advice, especially the part about direction. Another thing is to give him boundaries and don't waver, even if you think you were wrong about your decision later on. He will be watching you like a Hawk to see what you do and it's important to be consistent.
What you're doing is very admirable of you Leslie. You go girl!
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It's from the family Phrynosomatidae, earless, spiny, tree, side-blotched and horned lizard.
Sig by the Hillbilly!
You constantly prove yourself to be one of the most giving , caring people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
- Common sense should always be the rule of the day, if you can get a child to just think for a minute before acting, they will generally end up doing the right thing.
- To go along with the above comment, make sure to teach them right from wrong, never assume they know what is the right and wrong thing to do in any situation.
- Always be willing to talk things out, the child must feel that they can come to you with anything. Its about trust, they must be able to trust you and your willingness to be there for them when they need you.
- Kids are going to make mistakes, expect it, and be ready to deal with them, and most importantly help the child learn from them.
- Top Cog mentioned that you should manage their relationships, and I agree with this. this is easier said than done because you are not always with them, but pay attention to who they hang with, easiest way for a child to go wrong is by hanging with the wrong crowd.
- I also agree with the accountability statements. Too many children today have this enourmous sense of entitlement, the world owes them. Instill a work ethic in the child, let them know that hard work is rewarded, and laziness is not. This will serve them well the rest of their life.
- Be an ACTIVE participant in the child's life, the greatest gift you have to give the child is YOU, give of that freely.
You are truly one of the best people I know, you will make an excellent role model for any child, Stephen is very lucky to have you in his life, and he will be a better man because of it.
Leslie you will make a wonderful, loving mother any kid would be lucky to have. Trust your instincts. A ride, at speed, around a track makes for a very unique reward (once he gets over the initial scare ) for good behavior.
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You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --- Frank Zappa
'04 MS/Blk - Z06Fest IV, V, VI & VII - WinterFest I "Bus Driver"
While I have never had a foster child live with me. I have and currently work with 3 that are in the "system" by providing living arrangements at one of my properties. It can be a lot of work, but very rewarding. They just need a friend. My experience is they need stability more than anything. They may not warm up to you for a while especially in the beginning as they are so used to being bounced from home to home and do not want to risk any let down when they may be forced to move.
Similarly, I deliver the scouting program to over 1000 special needs children. (Severly mental and physical disabilities) Approx 90% of these children have been disowned and have no family at all. They are mostly wards of the State. I try to provide them exactly what GR8 White suggested.
Hey, we have an event planned for this weekend for over 1000 special needs kids if you'd like to see us in action. Event is located in Bellwood, IL. PM me for the details.
Be sure to bring him with when you visit this summer.
Joe
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