Quote:
Originally Posted by blkZ06
wow I am just overwhelmed with all the great advice!
geez you guys DO know how to parent, I am in awe
I hit the print button on this thread, I think I might need to re-read it once in awhile to remind myself to keep focused on doing the right thing.
Steven has no one in life, no one calls him, no one visits him-just people in the system and me.
I am reminded each time I visit him just how LUCKY I am to have an extended family here!
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I lost my father when I was 2 years old, and was brought up by my Mother. Nothing compares from one relationship to the next. Nor can advice always cover each situation. I had a strange but happy childhood, as my Mother was a model, a Shipping Lawyer, A journalist and at 60 (!) got an Honors Degree in Philosophy. Kind of a tough act to follow.... and she never asked me to.
You basically have answered your own question, no one chooses their parents, and no one chooses the character of their children. A role model is essentially the start and end of the whole thing.
If you live by your own moral codes that are reasonable, "clean" and teach that one can expect the same treatment from others that we give them, you will not fail. Especially "The System" which, does its best every where, but is still a system.
I have learnt to bring my child in to becoming a young adult at her pace, some times a little slow, but gently exposing her to the reality of the world we live in. This through observation, the news (not all of it) and explaining, to my best ability why people do things.
The most difficult lessons for her was "cause and effect" i.e. Being careful about placing breakable objects etc, etc! I kid you not, teaching a child to think what will happen in the future for something they do now is really difficult, their perception of time is different. Being aware of this, prevents us (as parents) becoming annoyed over damage - and typically childish "idiot" type errors. it is not so much patience, but understanding that a child operates in a lower gear!
As my Irish grandmother used to say -
Watch, Listen and Learn. Do not answer every question, the most important gifts you have to give are love, and education - i.e. teaching your child to think for themselves, and get to a
conclusion you can discuss, not just giving the answer up front. I have turned the
WLL into a game with my daughter, and she is starting to beat me at who dunnit films! Guessing the villain before I do.
I was really surprised by how much she learnt by watching television, and I am lucky in that she has always chosen to watch programs made for her age group (Especially anything to do with horses!) But be careful and perhaps more so with a boy, a child will quickly put into practice what they see.
If you can have a dog, or cat, you will find a useful relationship, the child will often react to the animal as they are feeling, and can give early warning of trouble, or confirm that things are OK as they pass on the same things they feel and receive to the cat/dog. (Does not work with goldfish!)
You seem to be starting off just fine.
Religious or not Jesus is a good role model! (Without necessarily the whole 40 day wondering bit though!) May you find guidance and wisdom within you.
Gods speed to you on this "trip".
All the best
D
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